Does your phone ever stop ringing? Mine neither.

And so often it is some idiot trying to sell me nonsense that I find I am already in a bad mood before I find out it is Harold next door or my grocer asking if I want a delivery next week.

Trading Standards are being far too polite warning people to beware of cold callers. I have a better plan.

If they cannot tell you where they know you from, then advise them to speak to the Foreign Office - or to go forth and multiply. I am sure you know what I mean, though I am far too polite to spell it out here.

There is a danger that all these calls are turning me into a racist, for so many cold callers seem to have Indian accents.

I suspect though, that that is because they are phoning from Mumbai call centres, and does leave us with the option of demanding they speak Welsh.

My problem would come if they can, but that does seem unlikely.

Rudeness seems our best defence against this impertinence. Make the job so uncomfortable no one is willing to do it.

It worked before they were banned from calling at front doors.

I still remember chasing some cheeky bloke down the garden path and threatening to put him over the gate. But he had too cheeky a mouth on him and seemed to think I was in the wrong by objecting to having my time wasted.

You can ring me if you are a mad scientist who has perfected a way of giving cold callers electric shocks. Better still, send me a brochure.