I wanted to ring the Education Department the other day. I only wanted to know when the schools go back. But it seems they are not on the phone: not even under their posh new name of lifelong learning.

Nor is County Hall - not that I could see in my phone book.

There are lots of special lines. I could ring a bloke to complain about the council - or, no doubt much to their preference compliment' them, as if anyone normal does that. I could get psychological help for a kiddie. Nowhere to ask a simple question, though.

So I wondered, who else isn't on the phone now.

I know Ammanford Court isn't, because I got an interrogation when I asked for the number so I could tell them I'd left some stuff behind, and don't worry, stick it somewhere safe and I'll pick it up again'.

And the police aren't keen on letting you talk to people. I once tried to ring the Coroner's Officer to tell him something and the switchboard refused to put me through to anyone but the press office.

So who else can we try? How about my tax officer in Swansea? No, they're not on the phone, not in my directory. How about the DVLA? No, nothing listed.