There'll be no warm welcome for wallies on my doorstepd=4,6I'M seriously thinking about going into hibernation as our politicians go around frothing at the mouth for the next month before the local elections.

Be prepared, dear readers, for a spate of knocks on your door from rosette-wearing wallies, complete with cheesy grins and vague promises.

June 7 promises to be a truly dreadful day, especially if there's a General Election as well.

Get on your marks for lots of hot air, hypocrisy and empty pledges.

Okay, let's be fair, most of our councillors are well-meaning do-gooders. But, having spent a lifetime of meeting them here in Bucks, I also think they're a grand waste of time.

Our planners, for instance, are usually powerless. If they make a decision against big business, it's likely to be over-ruled by a Government inquiry.

Councillors spend years working out grand schemes such as the Western Sector development in High Wycombe, but nothing ever seems to happen.

Parish councils have no real power because they can normally only make recommendations to the district council, rather than take action themselves.

The districts, meanwhile, have to work in tandem with the county.

And that sorry bunch is based all the way over in Aylesbury where they can safely plot barmy bus lanes and horrible parking controls for Wycombe.

Let's face it: local government is a waste of time.

Few people understand it; fewer care.

I am honestly all in favour of strong very localised government, but when did you last see that in Bucks? That's why I'm so bored by the prospect of the county elections next month.

I don't care who wins, because it won't make much difference to us.

Mrs Mann says that if I'm so cynical about it all, why don't I stand.

Quite noble sentiments too, until she adds I could end up making lots of dosh these days by being a councillor. Up to £40,000 if I headed the cabinet.

I could be like the old Referendum Party and have just one policy. Yes, I'd stand as the Ban The Bus Lane Party.

It might only be a single achievable policy, but that's probably one more than any of the candidates who will be knocking at your door over the next few weeks.