WHAT'S this stupid obsession with hot weather all about?

I found the Bank Holiday weekend quite aggravating due to the heat, yet everyone else seemed to delight in being fried.

The most distasteful part of it all is going to the supermarket and having to stand alongside old men in skimpy shorts.

I felt quite put off in Tesco on Saturday morning when I was choosing some cheese. I was surrounded by hairy-legged male shoppers, which made me feel quite queasy.

In case anyone thinks I'm being sexist, I was also irritated by some of the tiny outfits worn by the women shoppers, showing off rolls of flabby white skin.

It's a supermarket for goodness sake, not a beach. Surely our politicians would pick up a few extra votes next week if they promised to pass a law banning shorts and bikini tops from food stores?

I can't imagine all this surplus hair is terribly hygienic.

This is a theme I've banged on about for some years now. I recall one ex-mayor of High Wycombe so terrified by my rantings that he once hid in his car and let his wife do the shopping when he wore shorts to Tesco in Loudwater.

Apparently, he was scared of bumping into me, in case I exposed his hairy legs in the paper. That's probably one of the proudest achievements in my journalistic career.

Okay, maybe I am being a bit tongue-in-cheek here, but I am amazed at the summer stuff owned by Bucks people.

We have perhaps two sunny weekends per year and yet everyone produces huge wardrobes of exotic summer clothes. And, most amazingly of all, they suddenly drive about in open-top sports cars. Does everyone in South Bucks have an open-top locked away in the garage for special use on the two hot days of the year? It certainly seemed that way on Monday as I followed legions of the zippy little things around High Wycombe.

Oh, and I also burnt my neck while standing in a garden centre. And I'm terrified of my hayfever returning.

A nice bit of rain would be a welcome change now, wouldn't it?