WILL any other men out there join me in calling for a ban on St Valentine's Day?

The romantic date, which many of you will have enjoyed last night, is actually more trouble than it's worth.

I'm in a panic right now as I pen this column in advance of the big day because I don't know what gift to give this year to Mrs Editor's Chair.

Normally, I'm working late and rush down to a petrol station last thing to find some rotting roses that nobody else wants. One year, I bought them early in the morning, but the bucket tipped over in the car and drenched the seat.

Mrs Ed's Chair, of course, says she doesn't care, but hell hath no fury like a woman scorned on February 14.

I know most other men are in the same boat. If they spend too much, they get criticised by their loved ones for wasting cash on commercialism. And the women tend to think they are a bit drippy for buying a bunch of silly blooms. But if they spend too little or do nothing to mark the day, they get accused of being unfeeling.

I can recall countless St Valentine's Day massacres when it's all gone wrong.

One year, I won £65 on the lottery the week before and spent this entire sum on a meal at a posh restaurant.

Unfortunately, water from an overhanging flower pot dripped on Mrs Ed's Chair's head all night.

Many years ago, before I was married, a girlfriend bought me a huge cuddly teddy bear which clutched a red rose in its paws. All I had to give her was a dead red carnation, but I couldn't help observing that her gift was more suitable for a young child. We almost broke up that night.

The most embarrassing moment, however, came when I was 20. I'd been going out with a girl for just a few weeks and hadn't bought her anything by February 13.

To make matters worse, I was laid up in bed with a raging fever. Somehow, I managed to get someone to buy me a card, and I climbed off my sick bed to mail it just as the last post was being collected. I literally had to run down the street and flag down the mail van and the effort almost killed me.

But the next day, I was gobsmacked to discover this sweet romantic girl had sent me nothing in return. "Oh, I thought you were too cool to be into that kind of nonsense," she nonchalantly told me the next time we met.