PEOPLE are getting smarter. Compared with the mental pygmies of the past we are becoming a race of Einsteins, according to a survey at the weekend.

This research has obviously been conducted by someone who has never been to a pub on a Friday night. Evolution is not the first one that comes to mind when you see the Neanderthals fighting for their brain food of strong lager and pork scratchings.

To read the survey you would think everyone in Wycombe stayed in on a Friday night improving their mind with a good book. In fact they are out in nightclubs studying human anatomy, freestyle fighting and the medical effects of cheap booze.

Those doing the survey seemed to have reached their conclusions mainly because people are watching more telly and surfing the net.

They say that more people are doing university degrees these days. More university degrees that is, like BA (Hons) in EastEnders studies and Doctors of Philosophy in Coronation Street.

Then of course there are the worldwide wierdos on the internet who believe that dressing badly and smelling is some kind of cultural statement.

It is not clear to me why gathering up loads of facts which can have no bearing on your everyday life is a good thing anyway.

Surely stuffing this kind of rubbish in your head just turns you into one of those annoying people who can tell you how many paper clips you can fit into a matchbox, or what the ancient Incas used to have for lunch.

I'm more inclined to the view of Sherlock Holmes, who said that whenever someone told him what they thought was a useful fact he would endeavour to forget it immediately.

The entire pub quiz industry is based on people who need to get out more.

What normal person could ever stand a chance on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? You are simply expected to know far more than any one person could reasonably know.

A friend of mine who knew loads of facts struggled with everyday things. "It's no use being so clever if you can't even put up a deckchair," he was told. How true.

I prefer the theory that goes that the taller people are, the more evolved they are. In the old days people were smaller and that was because they were less evolved.

I myself am over six foot four and therefore am naturally cleverer than some of the unfortunate short people about.

I of course feel sorry for these little people. I make a point of being kind to these evolutionary throwbacks whenever I happen to trip over them on the pavement. I throw them the odd bit of money (small change of course) and send them on their way.

In fact I am thinking of starting a charity to help the less developed. I think I will call it Look Down.