THE main theme running through letters from parents who have children at both grammar and secondary modern schools, is the damaging effect it has on the child who did not pass the 11+. Why so?

Education for life is mainly conducted in the home.

There will be many disappointments in life one does not always get what one desires or aims to achieve.

If the child has done his or her best, he/she cannot be a failure.

There will always be a brief period of disappointment but this is soon dispelled by the wise parent's attitude of 'You did your best now put it behind you and show your new school what you are capable of!'.

Those who feel they are parents of 'failures' sense that this reflects on their own status and their ability to keep up with the 'Joneses'.

They will not be able to brag of their child's achievements, at their coffee mornings or dinner parties.

My own two children had mixed fortunes one passed the 11+ and one did not.

They both enjoyed their respective schools and took advantage of all opportunities offered, without any feeling of failure or envy.

They are now both well-rounded happy adults.

Those who deride grammar schools as places for 'comfortably off middle class children' display all the New (or Old) Labour prejudices against any form of selection by merit.

Of course grammar school pupils come from all sorts of backgrounds both social and ethnic and to suggest otherwise shows the real prejudice.

Social and ethnic mixing is not achieved only at school but at sports and youth clubs, voluntary service organisations, Scouts, Guides etc.

For those who want to mix, the opportunities are there.

Failure and social exclusion are adult concepts and, happily, are in the thinking of a very few parents.

J J S Mansfield-Clark

Hicks Farm Rise

High Wycombe