I DON'T live far from High Wycombe town centre but I try to avoid going there.

No, it's not because Frogmoor, my favourite place to drink strong lager, has been flattened it's because it's rubbish.

The sad thing is that I've lived in the town for 20 years since I was three years old.

But what's sadder is the fact that whenever I go into town I want to fall to my knees and weep.

What in God's name has it got to offer?

There's nowhere to park, there isn't one decent shop and the selection of pubs doesn't even rival that of a small village in Afghanistan.

And if it's night clubbing you are looking for then look no further than the High Street just after 2am. If you wait around the kebab vans for long enough you're sure to get at least one good clubbing by some idiot clad in a knee-length designer shirt and Italian-style loafers.

Oh yes, all the joys of a night out on the town...on the beers, on the pull and on your way to casualty.

In fairness, at least a big new nightclub has just opened in town and is trying its best to liven things up in the right way. I haven't been there yet, but I hope it's a success because it's the one new venture that could improve things.

But otherwise, I suppose Wycombe's long-awaited Western Sector shopping development could be just around the corner.

The trouble is that it's so far round the corner that it stopped off at Uxbridge, Reading, Maidenhead and every other medium-sized town on the way.

The way things are going on the 'Western front' at the moment, somewhere like West Wycombe village will get a department store and a new multi-screen cinema before limping old Wycombe does.

And it isn't just the town centre that needs attention. High Wycombe's suburban sprawl needs a bit of sprucing up too.

What I suggest is a Berlin-style wall, complete with watch towers and snipers, to enclose more undesirable parts of the town. If this seems too extreme perhaps Wycombe District Council could arrange a massive resiting of problem homes and streets by moving them brick-by-brick to Slough or Milton Keynes.

Failing both of these ideas, we could start to build law courts at the end of troublesome roads to keep offenders away from the town centre and make their daily journey to the dock so much easier.

Perhaps efforts to correct the ugly and faceless architectural assault High Wycombe endured through the 1960s should also be made. The college, the hospital and The Octagon centre can all go for a start.

But I reckon these monstrosities won't be going anywhere unlike me. Unless things start to change I'm getting out along with a load of other people I know.

Doesn't bode well does it?