MOST men would find the thought of dropping their pants in front of a laughing, pointing audience the stuff that nightmares are made of.

But 34-year-old Simon Morley and his colleague David Friend have made a living out of it.

They are not a pair of Chippendales but just two apparently "well-endowed" Australian blokes who found that after six pints of beer they could do their 'dick tricks' to the great amusement of on-lookers.

From humble beginnings they have now hit the West End and are touring the country with their sell-out show, Puppetry of the Penis, which features them manipulating their lower regions into various shapes objects and land marks.

And the show has proved anything but a flop, with audiences of all ages and sexes gagging at the bit to goggle at this full-frontal spectacular.

"The old ladies love it. We once had a group of old ladies in their 80s at South End and after the show one of these little old ladies tottered up and said I have waited 65 years to see a penis like that," Simon reassures.

But he also says that the antics, which began as "a bit of a joke in front of the pub boys" has ironically ended up attracting more women, particularly in Britain.

"In Australia it was more a 50/50 audience of male and female, old and young. I mean originally both me and Friendly would have a few pints and kick our pants off for the entertainment of the blokes in a bar, but more women seem to find amusement in it now," he says.

Simon, who used to tour with stand-up comedians, and Friendly, as he's known, who has a degree in computing but on Simon's evidence used to be a bit of a "surf bum", both come from Melbourne in Australia.

But they have utilised their talents to bring them across the globe to audiences here.

Simon can use his experience in stand-up, although Friendly has had to resort to shifting the impetus off his bum to concentrate on more up-front parts of anatomy.

In truth, Blue Peter presenters have nothing on these two when it comes to making something out of a couple of useless objects.

A hamburger, hot dog, Loch Ness monster and the Eiffel tower are just a few of the magical manipulations they perform.

Despite being fairly good-humoured and in-your-face Aussie blokes they too experienced a touch of the nervous sweating palms the first time they performed.

Simon, who is suffering from a bought of flu but still manages to sound in good spirits, says "I was petrified, its one thing showing your genitalia but another going out butt naked in front of hundreds of people."

But he seems to have slipped into the role of puppet master quite easily and now feels totally in control, in every sense of the word.

A video camera projects his intimate details onto a large screen so that even those at the back of the audience will see more than they bargained for.

"With the aid of the camera I can promise a penis that's three stories high and not many men can do that," he says.

However, the exposure does have its down falls like "Occasionally you'll hear someone shout 'he's got a pimple on his bum', now that's embarrassing."

And although there has been some adverse reaction to the show, the puppeting pair stand firm that it is a completely non-sexual affair and just a bit of a laugh.

Simon says: "If you kicked off your pants and your girlfriend stood and pointed laughing at you it would be horrifying, but this is an audience who are having a laugh.

"You pull your pants down and there are a thousand people belly-laughing at you, its unlikely you could get anything out of that."

Yet people have occasionally complained or protested at the show, most notably at a performance in Swansea in Wales when a minister and his wife held placards saying 'Jesus loves you, ban the show'.

Simon managed to convince them that he too was a Christian, but had a sense of humour and assured them it was nothing seedy.

Meanwhile in the background, a 1100-strong audience was applauding his partner's version of the Loch Ness Monster on stage.

The jolly Aussie said that even his parents don't particularly approve, but as long as he is happy and enjoying himself they are ok with it: "I'm sure our parents just wish it was someone elses boy getting their bits out and to be honest I don't think I'd want my mum to come along.

"But that's only because I'm her son and she hasn't seen my bits since bathing me as a boy and really I'd like to leave it that way," he said.

Puppetry of the Penis is at Wycombe Swan on June 18 and 19 at 8pm.